Monday, December 25, 2006
i realised that i am very weak at night.i cant seem to forget all those things during at night especially.
and. it just so weird that everything come at this time.
haha.. weird right.
todae. i tried my best to numb myself. trying to talk abt other stuff. doing everything else. but end up. i still had to face it. i am like walking in a circle. i walked many rounds. but i still had to face it somehow cause circle has no where for us to stop nor exit. is just like this problem. is going in circles. can never stop.
this time. i felt not oni upset. but i felt betrayed. veryvery betrayed. i tot u are the one whom i can confide into. but i am wrong. very very wrong.
truthfully. i no longer trust anyone. except 3 person. and oni cindy knws. oni these 3 person i can trust.
there are ppl who comfort me todae. thanx a lot. i really appreciated it. but spare me. i realli cant tell u all. i would get everyone into trouble. i am so so sorry. i realli felt happy at that moment. but i still cannot run away from it. somehow i had to face it. is okay that u all don wan to comfort me anymore.. ((: is realli okay. cause i knw u are would be sick of it soon. just let me recover from it slowly. be it it would take days, weeks or yrs. or even never. but u all cant be at my side always. i had to learn how to stand up myself. just tt right now. i feel heavy and tired.. i feel tt i am like injured and is bleeding.. just leave me there. one day, maybe i would just stand up on my own..
sometimes, i wished that i can find someone to talk to abt this. i nearly did todae. just tt i restircted myself once more. i dunno how long more can i endure with all these. . till the day that i realli cant take it... maybe is all too late.. everything seems not right.. and i knw i am in the wrong.. if oni i can do something.. to please .. as long as everything goes back to normal.. i am willing to do anything.. u can also blame me.. or even shout at me for everything tt u dislike at me.. as long as i can take it.. i can still endure.. i don wan all these happening. i don like. i don wan. no one is happy.
building a wall ard my heart. then i won be hurt.