Monday, February 05, 2007
broke down in the mini forum just now. bet everyone thinks i am crying cause of aop. i am not. i am realli not. i broke down cause of smthin else.i have too many things to sae. ppl have 2. i have 1. i bet some ppl knw what i am talkin abt. is actually fine with me all along. since it had been like 15 yrs? but i guess as i grow bigger, i just cant seem to forget it. when ppl mention it i will wonder what happen. where is he. i am born like these i guess. cant help it. i am maybe forced to learn to be mature than everyone else. i cry in the night. without my mum knwin. i cry in the toilet so tt no one knws. i am not innocent. i am not. i had not been innocent since i grow up. since i knw y am i different. i knew it when i was very young. i neva asked. i neva asked tt question. ppl ask me. i will bluff. bluff till gettin faker and faker each time. i will just wonder. just wonder but tt question will not come out of my mouth. i had neva said anything. i had neva said tt word. tt word does not not exist in my dictionary. i mention it but had neva manage to call it. never. and it will never be.
i am getting weaker. realli weaker. regardless is health or mentally. i am gettin colder and colder everydae, my back hurts pratically everydae now. i don dare to tell my mum. she spent enough money on me. i just refrain myself from eatin pain killers. i will just tolerate the pain. though is getting more and more frequent. i won sae. i don wan to waste anymore money. i dunno what happen to my right ankle also. i had to pratically limp whenever i reach home. i dunno what happen. i cant be bothered also. i am forever sick. i don wan to bother anymore.
i feel abandoned all of a sudden. i tot i could hear ppl laughing at me.