Wednesday, October 24, 2007
received many care and concern.and ways to cheer me up.
to my clique,
thanks so much for cheering me up. through all the ways and methods.
i am sry that i made u all so worried.
u all are one of the 10 pices of wood that is preventing from drowning..
and i agree. i am losing confidence.
by being not retaining does not seem realistic to me anymore.
with the nightmares i get everynight is not helping me anywhere.
i rather i retain then have a worst nightmare, that is failing Os.
i hope u all understand, sometimes the reason for not crying.
maybe u all may not understand why am i still forcing a smile...
because i realise i seriously have no more tears anymore.
rather than forcing out a tear, why not smile.
if i cry, wont u all be sad either?
i made u all upset enough already.. i dont want to anymore.
because i hate to hear the 2 words, work harder anymore.
ppl who say that, they dont knw how much effort i put in. how much time i spent.
and all they conclude about me is i am a bad kid who cant study, who don have studies in mind.
no one ever bothered asking me any academic ques.
and i hate ppl who think i did not work hard.
and to some ppl, i am as lazy.
to my squadmates,
thanks for helping me ways to get back that half mark.
i know u all tried all ways. i really appreciate it a lot.
u all are another 13 pieces of wood, that prevent me from drowning.
and i have to admit once again, i am letting go.
i am sry i am the disgrace to the unit.
i knw u all don want to leave me behind.
but sometimes, is better to carry on the journey without me.
i wld be okay. when u all turn back and look me, i wld be the same old hazel again!
the one that who usually say lame jokes, the one who usually love to eat, the one who usually complain hungry..
retaining, is what i do to myself.
let it be. i will accept what is given to me.
if i choose to retain, u all will support me too right?
to high,
thanks so much for talking to me..
i really felt much better...
but i would really be okay after a while..
and so sry for making u so worried... and also.
thanks once again for knowing me so much.
i wld really be more upset if that thing ever happen.
because to me, is as though i am not capable of handling things.
and, it matters to me a lot..
courage, i just need the courage to go on.
is just a dificult time i am having.
2morrow's a challenge, friday's a challenge.
i wld be fine to face everything alone.
i have to learn to grow up and be independent.
let me do what i want to do.
because i am afraid, there is not much time left.